Tali in Toronto

Bed for me

I don't have much to say this evening. There are a million thoughts in my head but none of them see important enough to get out on paper.
When I get an email, my computer makes this funny noise. I had changed the settings around the time I started speaking to Ro so that sounds has become the Ro sound for me now. I would roll out of bed in the morning and this silly sound would play and I would know I had an email from him waiting for me. Because there was one every day. And I loved it. Now I hear the sound and it makes me sad that I can't do anything for him. I've had to turn the sound off. Just for now. I'm just too "emo" (that is a Ro word that secretly makes me giggle everytime he says it. Probably because it makes me think of that weird comedian Emo Philips).

It is hard, caring so much about someone and not being able to do anything for them or be there for them. You hope they know how much you care and that you are there when they need you. Space and time is all I have to offer right now, and I know it is all he asked for. But it is hard. It is SO hard. I would swim across the ocean right now if i thought I could help. If I thought I could do something - anything...for him. But it isn't about what I need right now. I need to be there for him to make myself feel good. This isn't about me at all. But it is hard. SO HARD. Does that sound selfish and horrible?

I'm going home soon. Home to see my grandma in the hospital and spend time with my family. I'm lucky that I have them to fall back on. And that I have such fantastic friends to lean on.
This cold is getting worse again. I want to shake it so I can go to the hospital to visit. I don't think they will want me around all sniffly and contagious.

ok. Bed for me.

posted by TF @ 9:17 PM