Tali in Toronto

The usual erratic insanity.

Well hello strangers.

Just got back from a night out with CC. He is always so funny to hang out with. Definitely entertaining. We went to see Wallace and Gromit. I liked it a lot. It was light and fun and made me giggle. There was even a joke about nuts. I love nut jokes. If nothing else, I am always impressed with the animation. It is amazing what these artists can do now. The details that does into every frame. It amazed me. Especially when I think about how many years go into these projects. It is quite unbelievable. And if you take the time to notice everything...the movement...the tiny little things that are eaay to take for granted. I'm impressed.

I would like to send a major apology out to Steph because i missed our Survivor night. I love nights where Steph and I can do the commercial check-ins and analyze. It makes me feel close to home.

I'm sleepy. It was so windy last night that the howling of the wind woke me up. My windows were rattling and it sounded like they were going to blow in. I didn't like it. I don't know why it made me so nervous. It was so loud.

It is cold outside now. I love it at night. I like being cold when I sleep...or at least in a cold room, cuddled under big big warm blankets. I sleep so much better when weather is like that.

I have lots of thoughts tonight. Some warm and fuzzy...some a little more self-evaluating. Although I don't think I feel like writing them down. I know I know, Tali doesn't want to talk? That is just CRAZY! I guess I want to figure these things out before i share them with my public.
They aren't big things. Or terrible ones. Just little things about myself I want to understand better. Ok, I throw a couple of things out there:
1. I'm noticing that the more I like someone, the more sensitive I am and more jittery I get. Which is ridiculous. I work backwards. The problem is, it is so hard to explain all this to the person on the receiving end of it. That it is part of me letting go of those last little fears and diving in there. I guess part of that process for me is being sure I'm doing the right thing, although I've already made up my mind and know I will already do it. Does that make any sense?
2. I'm learning that, above all else, the search for love is far more important for me than I realized. That I'm willing to do whatever it takes if i find someone that I think I love. And the hardest thing about that is doing them and risking the person on the receiving end not wanting the same thing. I know, that is the price of getting involved. But it is scary. The scariest thing ever. But I'll do it. Even if it terrifies me.
3. I need to learn not to assume the worst. I need to have faith in my gut instincts about someone. They are always right. I have to not let my insecurity get the better of me.
4. My job.career is far less importan to me than justk nowing I can take care of myself. More and more lately I'm realizing that I want to know I can afford to live, and what I do from 9-5 is just an ends to a means. I need to stop defining myself by what I do and start living the life I want to lead. It is all about priorities. And I'm realizing this because I'm not unhappy not working. I stress about paying my bills more than anything else. That says a lot.

Ok..that is all I can think of right now. I'm going to relax....and read....and just..enjoy the rest of my evening. Thoughts? Input?

posted by TF @ 7:00 PM