Tali in Toronto

Oh so much running around in this little head of mine. Good...bad..happy....frustrated. I'm all over the place. I think that is the effect Sunday has on me because tomorrow morning everyone goes off to work and I continue to apply desperately for jobs. Booo. That is not a fun job.
If I had NO debt, I would pack up and travel. Just go and see what happens. Unfortunately, I feel like I need to be in the clear before I do that. When O get a new job, my goal is to get out of thise hole as fast as possible so I can do the things in life I really want to do. I want to get rid of a bunch of stuff. Pack up and store everything that means anything to me and see the world. I would love that. Central America, South America, the parts of Europe I haven't seen..the whole world. I want to see it. I want to watch shows and say - "I've been there!".
Somedays I wish I was a millionaire. Not because I want to be rich, but because I want to not worry about paying rent and buying food. I want to not think about those thigns so I can think about and worry about other things.
Not that I am complaining. I know that on the scale of bad, I have it almost perfect. I have nothing to complain about in life. I just wish I had an easy out. Any billionaires out there want to temporarily adopt me? I would be oh so grateful! Come on Bill Gates, you have money to burn! Spend it on me me me me me me me me!
MONEY. I hate money. I freakin' hate it. I hate that we need it. I hate that I can't just quit my job and do other things. I hate it. It makes me so frustrated. Of course, I'm a terrible budgeter. I admit that. I'm the worst. I need someone to straighten me out.
:)

I have a million thought in my head and none of them down in this blog. I'm not ready to say a lot of them outloud or just can't because they sound equally crazy to me.
I'm not unhappy though. I actually feel good. Really good. Mellow even.Relaxed.

Although I have to admit, tonight is a night I'd want someone here to share it with. I'd like to curl up with someone on the couch and put in a movie...and only half watch it because we lay around talking and giggling and kissing through the good parts. I miss those nights. And then I would like to go to bed knowing that that person would be there, without question, the next morning. And the next day. And the day after that.
It has been a long time since I had that. Since I was with someone who made me feel safe.
I could use that tonight. A warm touch.

Have you ever gone to sleep and curled around your pillow and imagined it was someone. I cuddle with my pillow every night. I always fall asleep that way. Some nights it is just a pillow, and some nights I can close my eyes and imagine it is someone. As for who I imagine it to be, well that, my friends, is my little secret. But he is someone I'm quite sure would make sure I would go to sleep every night feeling safe.

Swirling thoughts swirling thoughts :)

I'm off to pop in a movie and go to bed....

Admit it..how many of you made out with your pillow when you were younger pretending it was a boy (or a girl). You know you practiced!!

Do yo ueven remember your first kiss? I do. I was 15. He drooled when he kissed. It was like a bath. It was grooossss. But I was so thrilled to be kissing..WITH TONGUE....that I didn't care. I was kissing a boy. WOOHOO! Then he liked me a little too much and I wasn't ready for that. So I broke up with him. Hee hee. But it started me of fon a bad path of kissing. Now I love it. I can't lie. I'm all about the make out.

Ok, before I say anything else, I'm ending this. Really, I mean it.

Sleep well and sweet dreams.

posted by TF @ 7:17 PM