Tali in Toronto

Fear

Went to see Chicken Little with AB tonight. It was good. IO love the animated movies. Especially when there are kids there. There is something charming and fun about hearing kids giggle through the silly parts. Makes it that much more fun.
The off to see JP's brother play in his band.
All in all, it was a pretty cool night.

But being that I'm a mobid human being, my thoughts drifted as I sad on the subway. I was walked to the door of the station and then descended into the subway station. As soon as i was out of sight, I was comepletely alone. From that point on, I would not be recognized as missing for another 10 hours.
It's a weird thought. I know I shouldn't think it. But I do.
I'm a single woman. I live alone in a big city.
I'm constantly at risk.
I don't feel afraid on the subway necessarily. But the second I get off I'm immediately aware of my surroundings. I'm immediately aware of the fact that I am about to embark on a walk alone - albeit only for secondds - but alone nonetheless. I carry my keys in a defensive manner. I walk tall, with confidence and direction. I keep my phone in my hand in case I need it.
But I am also acutely aware of the fact that by the time anyone noticed something had happened, I would likely been done.
It is a weird thought. One I try to avoid.
I've chosen not to let fear rule my life.
I thought about it today because when I left the subway there was a group of rowdy guy geting out of a cab. Immediately I cringed, anticipating some kind of trouble. There was none, fortunately. But I couldn't stop thinking how easy it would be for them.
*shudder*

I don't know why I think this way. Because I'm nuts.

One a completely seperate and much more comfortaing note, Ro put something in the package he sent me that smells like him. It was a surreal feeling to walk into my apartment and have it smell like Ro. It was nice. I liked coming home to that.

I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open. So I am going to post this a crawl to bed.

Sleep well.

posted by TF @ 10:05 PM