Brilliant unwritten thoughts
I have all these brilliant thoughts every night. And I always think to myself..I should write that in my blog tomorrow. And then morning comes and i remember NONE of it. I need to keep a journal by my bed and write these things down. But if I did that, then I would be journaling twice - once here and once at home. Hmmmm. This is what I need a laptop for. Imagine i should just turn on the computer, while staying under my blankies...fill in my thoughts and roll over to bed. There is no way I'm getting out of bed, turning on the computer, sitting at my desk, and typing away. It just won't happen.
It's friday. YAY! I'm so excited and looking forward to a BUSY weekend packed with activities. Tonight I'm going to see some picasso, tomorrow some brunch and then some seeing Cindy, and then Sunday some MORE brunch and then seeing Mitch and then maybe Elana. Very exciting. It is amazing how busy I manage to keep myself.
One of my co-workers brougth me some SpongeBob toys..I'm so excited! My desk is like a SpongeBob SHRINE. Really..I'm a child. Cindy bought me the BEST spongebob pants...I live in them. As soon as I get home. I can't wait until it is warmer out. I'll wear them in public. Uh-huh...I will.
I was thinking last night about the Lava dude. One of the things that bothers me most about him...or about the whole thing..is that I know I will be a story he tells to other lava girls he meetss. He told me all sorts of stories about his experiences. I should have eeded that warning. And I find myself sometimes consumed imagining the tales he would tell about me. I hate it. I think that is why I hate seeing when he is on Lava and why I think I need a nice long break from it. I need to get to a point where that wouldn't bother me anymore. And yes, I know, I just shouldn't think about it. Which in a perfectly controlled and logical place makes sense. But in my bizarre OCD world where i like to torture myself, it is just not an option. If you can't make yourself crazy, who else is going ot do it for you?
Ok, I need a warm fuzzy moment for today...hmmmm....
How's this one..when Ryan was a baby we carved a pumpkin at home and ended up having the most ridiculous oumpkin innards fight ever. When we sold the house and moved we found pumpkin remnants behind the stove. It was spontaneous silliness that led to many years of outdoor pumpkin fights after Halloween. I was rewatching some video from it the other night that I happened to find and I couldn't stop laughing. I laughed until I cried. It was really so much fun.
Oooooh...warm fuzzies.
I had another though. But I can't remember what it was anymore.
I have a lot of crazy dreams. I don't remember any of them..or at least rarely. But i so often wake-up with weird feelings of disconnet. THtat or relief because whatever it was that happened was just not good. It is always so intense though. Is that normal?
thank you, whoever wrote the comment about how being sad makes you human. That is so very true. Sometimes, in the midst of all these emotional messes, I forget to be happy that I am the kind of person who can feel as intensely as I do. The trade off for all the good feelings is that the bad is equally hard to handle. But in all honesty, I would prefer that to not feeling anything at all. Part of me has always envied mens ability to just get over things though. My friends say that men just deal with things differently - they aren't as open about it and/or have delayed reations. Who knows. Can someone out there explain it all to me?
I think things would be much easier if people could just tell me all the secrets of the world!
Thanks!
YAY FOR FRIDAY!
posted by TF @ 8:44 AM
1 Comments:
Well, you took a look at my blog, not sure how close, but in February my gf broke up with me (which is how I ended up looking for an apartment, it turns out trying to move back in with your father is actually a *bad* plan), and she still gets mentioned in most of my blog entries.
I've been with other people in a physical sense, and at first an emotional sense as well, but now I find myself completely uninterested in relationship with anyone. There's a few reasons, some harmless, like lack of time, but some a little frightening, like my fear of getting hurt again. I can't remember ever feeling that hurt before. It was a long relationship, and I really didn't see the end coming, and I'm not very interested in investing so much of myself in another person, to give them so much power over myself, only for the final result to be that I get hurt.
chris - the new tenant
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