Tali in Toronto

Last Night

I just wrote a really really long blog and accidentally deleted it without posting it. I am an idiot. Now I have to start all over again. ARGH!
So last night I went bowling with the journalists and it was a lot of fun. Of course, I am a sucky bowler, but I have fun nonetheless. I know I know, there is a Tali is good with balls joke in there somewhere but I'm really not up for making it.
After the bowling, I had the date. Oh the date. We met at a local bar where he was grabbing a bite. I was exhausted and cranky and he took pity with me and came home to hang out and cuddle with me on the couch...even offer a back rub and some making out. Then he stayed over. And it was lovely. Something about hanging out with him really makes me feel calm and not stressed about the rest of the world. Of course, that feeling does not cross over into the real world when he leaves. But I do like him. He is funny and charming and just plain old exciting.
But, it never fails, that as he walks out the door..I feel my stomach drop and I'm all of a sudden terrified that he will never call me again. I'm sure that it comes strictly from my own insecurities - which anyone who knows me will tell you that I have trouble with all the time. I don't know why I get so nervous. Why I can't just have faith in the fact that we seem to have a good time together and he seems to like me, so why would he not call?
Some people call it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do I, inadvertantly, push people away to avoid gettung hurt. Am I so busy preparing myself for the end that I leave no room for errors?
How does one control all that anxiety though? How do I make it stop? How do I just lie back, enjoy, and not think about anything else?
Any suggestions?

posted by TF @ 10:36 AM