Tali in Toronto

Just tell me it will be ok.

I just wrote an entire entry and deleted it. I am an idiot
Insecurity is a horrible thing. I hate it
It makes you want and need ridiculous things that you have no right to ask for.
It makes you want to throw yourself at someone's feet and beg them to reassure you. Beg them to tell you it isn't you....just what they are going through. Tell you they aren't cutting you out forever...they just need time. It is always the people you make yourself vulnerable to tht have that power.
I hate feeling needy. i hate feeling like I need that. I hate that there is that one person. Always that person who you need to hear that from.
I guess there is always that weakness. That person who, in a short period of time, you can feel fiercly protective of and vulnerable to. I'm the worst with that. I'm like an open book with a damaged spine. One wrong twist and i'm broken.
Am i that weak?
Despite all I have done and been through, am I so fragile that it takes nothing more then that to rip me apart? Or am I just in a mood that makes me borderline hysterical.
Maybe it's a control thing. I hate not being able to ask someone for what I want or fix the things that aren't right.
I guess the answer is, if people wanna disappear on you...they do. And the ones who are your friends..don't need to reassure me. Logically, only i can make myself feel better. It is just too bad I seem to make myself so vulnerable to external stimuli.
I've never been good at just..letting people go without some kind of fight.
I guess that is my lesson to learn right now.

posted by TF @ 5:07 PM