Tali in Toronto

Tainted Beds.

It is funny how much music can change your mood...or add to it.
I'm tired. I didn't get enough sleep. I didn't get any sleep.

I'm having one of thse days where I just want to go home and pull the covers up over my head and disappear. Forget that there is anyone else out there. Pretend that nothing hurts...that no one hurts. I'm really bad on no sleep.

Sometimes i wish that one good cry could get rid of everything bad. Could get it out of your system. like detox.

Isn't funny how sometimes being around someone can make you feel more lonely than if you were actually alone? Or how you can feel like you have lost something you never even had?

*sigh*

Why am I even writing in this blog today? I'm just doing to depress everyone.
I'm a firm believer in not regretting anything I do. But, secretly, there are things I wish I could take back. Moments I wish I could fix or do better with.

I hate making myself vulnerable. I don't know why I do it.

I can't stop listening to the song "Hold You In My Arms" by Ray LaMontagne.
Here's the lyrics.

When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears It was easy to see that you'd been cryingSeems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns But who really profits from the dyingI could hold you in my arms I could hold you foreverI could hold you in my armsI could hold you in my arms forever
When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questionsIt's my worried mind that you quietPlace your hands on my faceClose my eyes and sayLove is a poor man's foodDon't prophesizeI could hold you in my arms I could hold you foreverAnd I could hold you in my armsI could hold you forever
So now we see how it isThis fist begets the spear Weapons of warSymptoms of madnessDon't let your eyes refuse to seeDon't let your ears refuse to hearOr you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadnessI could hold you in my arms I could hold on forever And I could hold you in my armsI could hold forever

Ok, I want to go home. I need a night of being sad. If this was Wonder Years...that song - the one right above - would be my theme song as the camera pulled back on me sitting alone on my couch with the covers pulled all around me.

I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. Seems appropriate after last night. I can never sleep in my bed the night after someone has been with it. It is like it is tainted.

Another hour and a half. Then I go for a drink. Then I go home. Yay for putting on a brave face.
At least all these years of PR has made me good for something.

posted by TF @ 12:23 PM