I'm tired for no good reason. All I do all day is sit on my couch, yet I'm tired.
I just got a call from AZ in Vancouver. Funny how sometimes it takes a certain person to call and make you feel good. She called to say that I was missed and I know it was genuine and it was nice to hear.
I feel so unmotivated.
People have read my blog these past few days and find it rather dark.
I can't argue with that. It is dark and sad. Why? Because when I am happy I don't feel like sitting down and writing. It is only when I am sad that I feel like I have something I need to get out. Word vomit. It is like being sick. You throw up and feel better. That is how I feel about the blog. I get it all out and feel better. Sort of. Or at least I feel like I'm not keeping whatever is bothering me bottled up inside.
My phone barely rings. I don't even know that I would want it to. I hate talking. I feel too out of it. Like I have nothing to say.
I stare a the phone. Willing Messy McMesserson (a.k.a. the dude) to call and not call at the same time. If he doesn't call, I'm off the hook of having to make some kind of decision but I' urt that he disappeared on me. If he does, then I'm elated at the attention but stuck in that viscious circle of whatever it is. Sucks.
I just want a job. Just hire me. Anyone. So I can not worry about money.
I'm frustrated.
And depressed.
I just don't know how to fix this.
I do know that AZ has given me a limit to how long I can live in my pajamas. Unfortunately I need to actually get dressed tomorrow so I can go out.
I have candy everywhere in this apartment.
I'm gonna get fat. That is my new goal. To sit aorund and eat candy all day and then start wearing big shapeless dresses (mumus? Moomoos?)
What do you think?
posted by TF @ 5:28 PM
4 Comments:
What do I think? I think I'm gonna come over and eat your candy, yank you out of bed and help you find a job. Then, I'm gonna organize a Messy McMesserson ass-kicking and find you a new boy. The job, by the way, will be well-paying enough for you to keep me on as your permanent personal advisor at a hefty fee.
And if none of that works out, I'm going to find someone to help keep me from commenting after drinking all evening.
Tali, moomoos are not attractive items of clothing. Do not under any circumstances partake in anything that may require your wearing of one.
Have you considered that if you ever stopped obsessing over these jerks that perhaps you may find someone nice?
And stop waiting by the phone. Want to talk? Pick it up. It dials out too.
Are you out looking for a job, or just hoping that one knocks on your door?
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