Tali in Toronto

I know, I have barely written here lately. I'm terrible.
It is one of those thigns where I feel completely in a funk now that I am not working. Like I feel like I have nothing to contribute to this blog because I do nothing all day.
It is pretty darn pathetic.
I'm heading back to Montreal on Tuesday now. Tuesday early morning. Tuesday nigth I have plans with the dude. I'm torn about the plans. The black cloud that often drifts over my happy thoughts has come out full force and is leading me to believe that, most likely, seeing him again will recomplicate a situation that was maybe better off left alone. I feel completely torn about it. Like him and am kind of curious about why he wants to get together. On the other hand, I'm terrified of that inevitable moment where he says to me that nothing has changed and that he just wants to be friends and hoped I didn't get the wrong idea.
PK said that deep down inside I know what is going to happen.
I feel like I'm a fool if I'm hopeful and I'm defeatist if I expect the worst. How do you find that happy place in the middle wherey ou keep the possibilities open without making yourself too easily walked over? I don't know the answer.
To be honest, I don't know any answers right now. I'm completely adrift. I have no job...essentially careerless....relationshipless. I could be a blank slate right now. Go wherever, be whatever...anything. But that is way too scary. That is what being in your early 20's is for. Figuring that all out. I don't know if I'm brave enough tostart from scratch now.
Being in Montreal has been great. Easy not to focus. Easy not to think about it all. Just a chance to relax and enjoy being with the fam.

I went to see 40-Year-Old Virgin last night. It was a good laugh. I like these stupid funny movies. They are a suspension of all reality and you can laugh at someone else's misfortunes. Gotta love that.

Nothing else to report.

My head is a jumble of thoughts depending on time of day and frame of mind. But I always draw a blank when I am in front of this computer. I don't know why. The words aren't flowing right now. Blank slate in more than one way I guess.

posted by TF @ 6:32 PM