No salvation
I reached out for tomething tangible and real. Something in tense and alive. And try as I might, there was nothing there to grab onto. So I'm drowning.
In the process, I made a fool of myself. I threw myself at a wall, hoping for something that a wall can't give. It isn't his fault. No one's fault but mine. I live in a world filled with romantic ideals. At least in my head. For all my toughness outside, insideI just want someone to see how very vulnerable I am.I just want someone to handle me like I'm breakable. Like I'm delicate and fragile. I want someone to see I'm broken and put me back together. But I can never let my guard down enough to show it. And when I do, it comes out pathetic. More like begging than asking.
I know this was my fault. I opened the door. I did it. It is all my fault. I broke my own heart. It is true what they say, we are our own worst enemy.
Somewhere between hopes and dreams, there is a gaping hole we fall into. Misery.
And how do you fix it?
I have no idea.
Thinking about it makes me tired. Thinking at all makes me tired right now. I just want to go to bed and stay there. I want to pull the covers up and disappear. Don't fret or worry. there is nothing I haven't been able to get through. I just need a little time to be sad right now. But I will put on a brave face and I promise you won't all know that inside I feel like breathing is too difficult a task. I need to be sad.
So naysayers, you were all right. I was wrong. There was nothing left to be saved.
posted by TF @ 9:58 PM
4 Comments:
Ah, Tali, I am so sorry. Being a hopeless romantic myself, I was sure this was a sign. He wanted to see you, must be good. I make a fool of myself all the time when it comes to boys, just ask one of them :O). I am always here if you need me. We can swap stories. Keep your head up, even if it is just in bed.
But what about the people who have liked you that you've treated in the same fashion that the 'boy' treated you?
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Being pissed at yourself is the worst thing you can do at this point.
Now you know for sure, and you can move on.
Take what's left of your heart, shuffle it back so that the cracks are invisible to most people's eyes, and continue with your life. Heartbreak sucks, but at least you're in good company.
Don't sweat the petite merde.
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