You know him as MB.
You've hear me call him lovely.
You know I can't see a movie without him (at least not without a guilt trip)
and now you can visit his blog.
See the true Hollywood story at:
http://beechwill.blogspot.com/
Welcoem to the wonderful world of blogging MB. Don't worry, I'll remind you REGULARLY to update it.
posted by TF @ 8:19 PM
0 comments
Well hello.
I'm out of the office all week so the blog updates will be night time updates. Will you all be able to survive without me during the day?
The weekend was delightful. I took some valuable alone time and then went out for a night on the town with Amy and Linda on Saturday. On Sunday I had brunch with Jen and Mark and then spent the aft with Amy. We went to see Sideways. A funny and enjoyable movie..but movie of the year? I don't think so. I really don't get the standards by which they judge. Then we went to Sushi on Bloor and roled me home. I was so full.
Today, the PSP previews started with the media. It will be such a weird week...being away from the office. I feel totally disconnected. I miss everyone.
But I'm coming home at night lookin for email...so send me comments. PLEASE SEND ME COMMENTS!
I have nothing ot say today. My brain is completely fried. I can't think.
Iwent to see Hide and Seek today..it totally freaked me out. I'm such an easy mark. I went with the lovely MB...oh MB...those initials now work for your real name AND your nickname. He passed on some info tody that has caused me to propose marriage. Sadly enough, he has not said yes yet.
Sleeeeeeeeeep.....
posted by TF @ 7:55 PM
1 comments
For the week that is.
The thing I hate most in life is not being able to be there for someone when you really really want to (which sounds totally selfish). It kills me. I find it physically painful and enough to make me want to step on a plane and go to wherever it may be just so I can give someone a hug and hold their hand when they need me. It is so hard. Granted, not as hard as whatever that person is going through. I guess this is what it is like to be a parent. To watch your kids go through things and not be able to help them or fix it or take their pain away. Don't you wish it was as easy it was when we were little? Just have someone kiss it better?
As we get older, pain because significantly more..well..painful. You fall harder, cuts are deeper, hearts break harder, and anger paralyzes you for longer. You would think that it would numb from experience. But I find it is quite the opposite. When we are young, we are fearless. Not afraid to fall and not afraid to take crazy leaps of faith. We just get more fragile as we age. Not a very pretty picture isn't it. I wonder if it works the same way with the good stuff. Does everything better as we get older? Or are we numb to the good stuff and suffering through the bad?
I don't know.
All I do know, if i hope that all of my friends realize that I will always be there whenever they need me. And if I can, I will always step on a plane for them..or keep my phone on all night...or do whatever i can to be around when they need me. My door is always open - literally and figuratively. I'm here.
I'm going home. No warm fuzzy moment today. It seems like the kind of day where jsut appreciating all I've got is enough warm fuzzy for me.
posted by TF @ 2:13 PM
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This week is coming to an end and I couldn't be happier. I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep until I feel COMPLETELY caught up. In fact, I thinm I'm making no plans for all day Saturday and I will just enjoy some quiet time . Clean my apartment...read my book..and relax. That is all I crave right now.
I don't know how to make paragraphs in this blog. Can anyone help me?
HELP ME!
Last night I went to Jerusalem for dinner. Middle-Eastern food. Yummy falafel and hummos. I can't resist the power of the chick pea! Then I looked across the street and there was Kyle's office. I had no idea. But he was already gone :(
Booo.
I love discovering new things in this city. It keeps things exciting. And there is a lot to discover. I also have discovered I love TTC run-ins. It makes my morning to see Ms.Schachter on the Dufferin bus at College. YAY! SOMEONE TO TALK TO! It makes me so happy.
Ok, warm fuzzy moment for today...any morning that I sleep at my mom's. I love that Trixie (the dog) comes running down to jump into bed with me at 8 am and then inevitably Madison will come either wake me (don't tell mom I woke you up but can you get up now?) or crawl into bed..and eventually...Ryan would come down to watch TV. I love it. A total love fest!And spending the day with my fam always makes me feel good. All siting together for family dinner. It is nice and comfortable. It makes me very happy.
posted by TF @ 9:35 PM
1 comments
Today is Wednesday. I'm feeling stressed at work. Partly because i'm a HUGE procrastinator and partly because I have to fill out a million and one award submissions about projects I know nothing about.
STRESS!
So, here is my question. It is about relationships. Is having inappropriate and dirty conversations online cheating? I once was living with a guy who would get online and meet women when I went to bed. I don't know if he ever met them, I don't know if he spoke to them, I have no idea what happened. But he had cheated on me before and we were having problems and this was just the last straw for me. Ok, i'm lying, the last straw was when he accidentally sent one of the girls an email from my account and she responded and I couldn't avoid the reality that the relationship was a disaster. So, have we entered a whole new world where you don't even have to physically touch someone to be cheating? Or is it just inappropriate but not crossing any actual lines? And what if you include a web cam in the mix? I'd love some opinions. Is an "online" girlfriend the "other woman"?
I wonder where the future of technology is going. We can get on MSN and see and talk to eachother. What happens next? Touch tensors? Holographic projections? I'm curious to see what the next step is and how immersive and tactile it will become. I know they have those sensor suits that you can set up and program. Have you hear about these. Let's say I am wearing this getup and some guy on the other side of the world...let's call him "John Doe" has tthe software and has programmed his computer so that he hits a key and the suit responds and stimulates me on the other end. I guess in theory..it could be anything...a massage, a foot rub, or something more sexual. We are definitely on the verge of crossing lines we never thought crossable....distance will no longer be an problem.
Opinions?
Ok, warm fuzzy moment....it is hard because what is making me warm an fuzzy isn't necessarily a moment....but i have a friend who lives in Washington (state) who I've mentioned before. And He just says the sweetest things. Things that I genuinely believe he means and that no one has said in such a long time. I love his honesty and his boldness and it makes me feel so good to hear that someone has such lovely and sweet things to say about me. It is just nice. It feels nice. So, I don't know if that qualifies as a warm and fuzzy moment in my life...but it makes me feel good so for today, it counts.
I skipped my workout today and yoga last night. I'm definitely feeling lazy at the moment.
I think it is the weather. It is so easyto be lethargic in winter. It is just to cold to be functional.
Ok, that is all I got.
I'm off to work on those submissions!
posted by TF @ 7:23 AM
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Cary is my friend. Cary got engaged and DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME. But I'm not bitter. I still love him. I'm heartbroken but I still love him.
:)
posted by TF @ 2:41 PM
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Or it would be if i was going to a movie tonight. I went to a movie last night and it was good times. I met Duane...we went to the movie theater...bought some snacks..realized we forgot something.. I went back..and there I spotted Marky Mark! WOOHOOO! Surrounded by his friends and a cloud of weed smoke.....he was there. It was my first celeb run in. SO exciting. I didn't think celebrities really went to see movies!
Ok, so here is my list of celebrity run-ins:
1) Adam Sandler (does anyone not know the Adam Sandler Story?)
2) Jason Alexander
3) Sarah Chalke
4) Richard Belzer
5) Angelina Jolie
6) Michael Ironside
7) John Mayer
There must be more..but I can't think of it right now. I'm a MAGNET for fame!
I went to see the Woodsman...it was interesting. I didn't love it. It was kinda depressing. Boo. Other then that, nothing new is going on. I'm tired and can't wait to just go home and be done with today.
I need a nap.
Ok, warm fuzzy moment for today....when I got the phone call to come work here at Segal after a painful last job experience. It made me feel worlds better about myself and Matt's encouragement couldn't have come at a better time. It really made me feel good about myself and about the work I do/have done. It was one of those moments where i felt really good about myself.
Last night, MB met Tina Turner. I'm SO jealous! SO SO JEALOUS!
posted by TF @ 10:57 AM
1 comments
So today I take the subway to Dufferin and get off an am waiting for the bus. Two buses pull up. I get ont he first one. The bus driver says "I'm only going to the next main street so if you want to go all the say down to king then you should get off and get on the bus behind me." So a bunch of us pile out...the bus leaves..and the bus behind it (our supposed other bus) gives that bus driver a dirty look..gives us a dirty look..and drives off leaving us all shivering outside. WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT? It is freakin' cold outside and people just want to get to work. I don't understand these bus drivers with attitude. I could understand if the bus was packed and just couldn't fit anyone else on it..but that was NOT the case....it was just pure evil and meanness. COME ON TTC DRIVERS. IT'S FREAKIN' WINTER!
ARGH.
Ok, done my venting.
Wait...this is the other thing...why do people RUN for the subway? There is one EVERY 5 minutes. I saw a guy throw himself down the stairs today and practically kill himself all for the sake of making the subway when there was another one in minutes. Weird. Just weird.
Ok, NOW I'm done.
posted by TF @ 8:13 AM
0 comments
I still cant' get over that fast that it is January 2005. It is so crazy! TIme is FLYING by. Saturday was an icy cold day so I stayed in a chatted with a friend all night. He's a delightful guy. Sadly, all the good ones are married....living on the west coast..or both! ;)
Sunday I went out to brunch with my friend Cam and met his lovely girlfriend Erin who actually went to Beechwood School in Montreal (DdO)...how crazy is that? What a weird coincidence. But she is a great girl. Then I was off to meet Mitch for some coffee and hanging around. I made my first trip out to Honest Ed's. It is so very ghetto....a la Village des Valeurs. But an adventure indeed. And then, Iwas off to meet E. for a hot night out. I mean..you saw the comment....a great night...wooohooo! Ok, I confess, E is Elana and we went to see Bad Education - the new Almodovar movie. It was good. I enjoyed it. I have a little crush on Gael Garcia Bernal (although he is too short for me). Then I went home..more online chatting...stayed up later than I should having conversations I prob ably shouldn't be having but enjoy too much to stop and then went to sleep. Then I had a dream about G. It was the first one i have had since the break up. He was just there..sitting with me. And I was frekaing out because some guy I was sleeping with was in the room too....but it was all good. And afterward G called and was all..it's all good. And I felt relieved that he wasn't angry. Hello my sub-conscious acting out. That was all I remember. My friend Elana loaned me a book that I'm reading called "The Between Boyfriends Book" all essays written by a single woman. It is totally funny....but sometimes i wonder about this single woman trend. Is it beneficial for us all all to know we make the same ridiculous mistakes or does it just reaffirm that as a gender we are all foolish and can never change? What do you all think out there? Does it make you feel better or worse to know we are all the same?
My toes are permanently cold in this weather. That does not make me happy. Where is the guy who is going to come over help me warm my feet? Huh?
Ok, warm fuzzy moment for the day: picking up Ms.Trixie from the breeder...bringing her home to my apartment and being there when my mom and Michel told the kids she was theirs to keep. Instant love there. She is the cutest pooch ever! Dogs are so happy. We should all learn from our dogs!
Quick note to Mr. MB...I'm so glad that Sal is doing well and even if he will bite me..I'll come over and meet him soon!
I got my passport pictures taken. Can you say - the worst picture of me EVER taken? Nothing better than a bra strap hanging out for all customs officials to see and laugh at. But really, do I care? I thinketh not.
How was anyone else's weekend? I want all the dirt!
posted by TF @ 8:06 AM
0 comments
It is NOT nice out. But despite the horrible weather, I managed to go out and do some shopping that I really couldn't afford. Boo. I had a lovely day of shopping with Ms.Cindy where i put my HMV gift certificate to good use (Pee-Wee's PLayhouse Season 1 DVD) and my Gap gift certificate to good use (a pair of jeans that still cost me $40 DESPITE the gift certificate. NUTS). And then some other assorted articles. And even after that...I made it out to the grocery store. Icy weather and Tali makes it out. I'm a STAR!
Tonight. I'm staying in. Sometimes I feel so old. I hate going out to bars on weekends...at least the kidn of going out people seem to be into here. I like just meeting a couple of friends for drinks in nice local places..not the dressed up, meat markety places people seem to be drawn to here. None of that! I'm justh appy having quiet, realxed nights. Does that make me over the hill?
My second tali-issue is I need to be better with Money. SOmehow I need to put down a budget and stick to it. Ok, that has to be a late resoution starting next pay cheque. Set out a budget and stick to it and see where it gets me. I have to set better goals and rules for myself.
I am so not good with stability. YIKES.
It is SO windy outside. I can't believe it.
Ok...happy thought for the day....here is a good one....when my mom called me to tell me Madison was born. We were all convinced she was having a boy and then she called me from the delivery room.I was in London, Ontario and the phone rang and she was all "it's a girl!!!". It was great. And then there she was...little tiny shmoopie. But this moment, of course can't be told without the other one of the day Ryan was born. We were in teh hospital all night waiting for him - seth and I out in the awful waiting room. Then finally...after about 12 hours of eating all the food from the chines and visiting the gift shop a million times...there he was..my sweet little boo in the cutest hat. Those two kids are definitely my sunshine and my permanent happy moments. No matter how rough things get..they always make me feel better. I just can't get enough of them!
Ok, that's it. I need to go unpack my groceries and take back my place on the couch.
YAY!
posted by TF @ 2:39 PM
1 comments
I have all these brilliant thoughts every night. And I always think to myself..I should write that in my blog tomorrow. And then morning comes and i remember NONE of it. I need to keep a journal by my bed and write these things down. But if I did that, then I would be journaling twice - once here and once at home. Hmmmm. This is what I need a laptop for. Imagine i should just turn on the computer, while staying under my blankies...fill in my thoughts and roll over to bed. There is no way I'm getting out of bed, turning on the computer, sitting at my desk, and typing away. It just won't happen.
It's friday. YAY! I'm so excited and looking forward to a BUSY weekend packed with activities. Tonight I'm going to see some picasso, tomorrow some brunch and then some seeing Cindy, and then Sunday some MORE brunch and then seeing Mitch and then maybe Elana. Very exciting. It is amazing how busy I manage to keep myself.
One of my co-workers brougth me some SpongeBob toys..I'm so excited! My desk is like a SpongeBob SHRINE. Really..I'm a child. Cindy bought me the BEST spongebob pants...I live in them. As soon as I get home. I can't wait until it is warmer out. I'll wear them in public. Uh-huh...I will.
I was thinking last night about the Lava dude. One of the things that bothers me most about him...or about the whole thing..is that I know I will be a story he tells to other lava girls he meetss. He told me all sorts of stories about his experiences. I should have eeded that warning. And I find myself sometimes consumed imagining the tales he would tell about me. I hate it. I think that is why I hate seeing when he is on Lava and why I think I need a nice long break from it. I need to get to a point where that wouldn't bother me anymore. And yes, I know, I just shouldn't think about it. Which in a perfectly controlled and logical place makes sense. But in my bizarre OCD world where i like to torture myself, it is just not an option. If you can't make yourself crazy, who else is going ot do it for you?
Ok, I need a warm fuzzy moment for today...hmmmm....
How's this one..when Ryan was a baby we carved a pumpkin at home and ended up having the most ridiculous oumpkin innards fight ever. When we sold the house and moved we found pumpkin remnants behind the stove. It was spontaneous silliness that led to many years of outdoor pumpkin fights after Halloween. I was rewatching some video from it the other night that I happened to find and I couldn't stop laughing. I laughed until I cried. It was really so much fun.
Oooooh...warm fuzzies.
I had another though. But I can't remember what it was anymore.
I have a lot of crazy dreams. I don't remember any of them..or at least rarely. But i so often wake-up with weird feelings of disconnet. THtat or relief because whatever it was that happened was just not good. It is always so intense though. Is that normal?
thank you, whoever wrote the comment about how being sad makes you human. That is so very true. Sometimes, in the midst of all these emotional messes, I forget to be happy that I am the kind of person who can feel as intensely as I do. The trade off for all the good feelings is that the bad is equally hard to handle. But in all honesty, I would prefer that to not feeling anything at all. Part of me has always envied mens ability to just get over things though. My friends say that men just deal with things differently - they aren't as open about it and/or have delayed reations. Who knows. Can someone out there explain it all to me?
I think things would be much easier if people could just tell me all the secrets of the world!
Thanks!
YAY FOR FRIDAY!
posted by TF @ 8:44 AM
1 comments
Just a quick note to welcome my friend Sandy to the happy land of blogging. Go read about what is going on with her our in California at:
http://vanillabeans.blogspot.com/
Enjoy!
posted by TF @ 12:38 PM
0 comments
It is bloody cold here. That cold that causes weather reporters to warn you about not leaving any skin exposed due to fear of frost bite. I htink days like this, you should be allowed to stay home and do nothing. Of course, I would be SO bored if that were the case. I would go insane.
I'm feeling incredibly guilty that I didn't get up and do my little home workout today. I was just feeling so lazy. I wanted ot lay in bed and sleep a little longer. GUILT GUILT.
Last night I went to Sushi on Bloor with the always delightful MB. It was soo yummy. I so love it there. I can't resist the power of the sushi.
We had many a laugh at the office over a horrible exchange of blogs. It was hilarity. Everyone was creating nasty blogs for eachother. It was ridiculously funny. I couldn't stop laughing and I think that may even be my warm fuzzy for today. It was just nothing but gut-busting laughter over something so silly. A totally unexpected laugh to break up the work day. The warm fuzzy about it was having such a good relationship with the people here, especially ML, that we can do stuff like that. I love the mockage.
What else can I report for today?
That is pretty much all I got. It is one of those days where I am sadly short of any interesting stories.
Tell me an interesting story..I need some entertainment.
posted by TF @ 8:21 AM
0 comments
I wrote a whole entry and lost in due to some technical glitch. BOOO! So here I do again. Today is wednesday which means halfway through the week. Which also means halfway still to go. I guess I can't complain about that too much.
Brrrrr...I'm cold.
Now i can't remember everythign I wrote about. Isn't that horrible? All my deep thoughts are gone. Disappeared into cyber space where no one will ever see them. I may have written the most profoud thing ever to be put on the internet. The secret to happiness and solution to all the worlds problems. Now I will never know.
I'm hungry. I know that.
Last night I watched American Idol. I have a love/hate relationship with that show. I'm as amused as the next guy watching people, who think they are good singers, make complete asses of them selves. But I hate watching Simon be such a dream killer. He is so brutal. He goes way past just telling them they have no talent as a singer. It is like seeing an accident. You don't want to look but can't look away. I feel almost guilty watching it. But, then someone like Simon is the guy everyone loves to hate. We all need a villain.
I also played with the web cam. My friend waaaaaaayyyy off in Washington (the state, not the District of Columbia) turned on his webcam and I turned on mine and we were chatting that way. It was so weird. I've watched web came before and had mine on..but never at the same time. I was so hyper aware of having a camera on in my apartment. No picking my nose or typing naked then I tell ya. It was cool...being able to see instantaneous reaction to the things you say. I remember way back when when they tried to introduce the video phone into homes across the world. It was cool in theory except they were expensive and for them to be of value everyone you knew had to have one. So it never caught on. It remained some cool futuristic thing that only happened in movies about Space made in the 80's. Now, all you have to do is turn on your computer and MSN and you are pretty much hooked up. It is crazy how far we've come.
So, part of my personal therapy I'm trying to ,everyday, remember a find moment in my life. I think it was really key when my friend said that the problem people have is they forget al lthe good times as soon as it ends. And I think that was a valid point. We all spend a whole lot of time focusing on the bad things in life. So, every day you guys get to read a warm fuzzy happy Tali moment. Todays: my going away party. It was SO hard for me to leave but having all my friends come by - despite the STIFLING heat in my apartment- made me SO happy. I was so thrilled to see everyone and spend time with them. Whenever i'm feeling down, I just look at the picture of that night. What great friends and family I have! I'm so lucky! So there you have it. A nice warm sappy moment just for you.
So...tell me your happy moments. If anyone reads this blog..I wanna hear it. I need to live vicariously through you and create an extraordinarily cheezy, yes pleasantly so, network of happy moments to read when we forget how good things really are.
posted by TF @ 8:55 AM
2 comments
Well, I am eagerly awaiting some kudos and congratulations because I have graduated from my intro yoga class and moved into level one. Woohoo! I'm very proud of myself. I actually stuck it out for 6 whole weeks :)
Let's see how I do now that I am facing level 1.
I got some exciting mail today which included Meet the Feebles, Invader Zim Volume 1, and the books Lust by Elfriede Jelinek and Creepy Susie by Angus Oblong. What is more fun then getting a package like that at work?
I'll tell you. NOTHING!
It is freezing outside so tonight I'm doing a big fat nothing other than going home, bundling up, and relaxing.
I've decided I'm taking a lavalife break. It isn't good for my ego. I can't handle being ignored or rejected by these online guys. A good friend of mine said the key is remembering happy times even when you aren't so happy. I fully agree. So I think I need to take some time and remember all the warm fuzzies and stop thinking about these bad guys. I know I feel compelled to get on lavalife just to find a date who is into me to make me feel better about the whole DS thing. No more I tell ya. NO MORE!
Wow, these blogs are boring. It really sucks to be so totally uninteresting. Who wouldn't be disappointed signing on here and finding oh-so-exciting stories of how I was in my pajamas at 9pm and reading my book.
Which reminds me, I'm back on the reading everynight thing. 10 pages a night. I'll never get through this monsterous Gormenghast book if I don't start reading. I'M ALL OVER IT! I have so many books at home I want to read. I think I may even take a library break.
I know I know, the library will cumble without my patronage!
Wait..is that snoring I hear out there??
posted by TF @ 2:12 PM
0 comments
Just wanted to give a big shout out (I'm SUCH a nerd) to my friend Stephanie. She's the best.
Just thought you should alllll know that.
Married men find her irresistable!
posted by TF @ 10:09 AM
0 comments
Happy Monday everyone. The start to a whole new week. My alarm went off this morning and I think I snoozed for about 25 minutes before I realized I had to get up. I think I need one of those cartoon clocks where the alarm is an arm reaching out of the clocking and hitting me over the head with a hammer. Either that or I need to start going to bed at nine to catch up.
Nothing exciting to talk about since yesterday. I spent the day at home doing nothing. Played on lavalife. Chatting with a guy from the intimate encounters section who was disappointed to find out that I think it is funny to look but I had no desire to pursue. Nothing nicer then being called boring by a stranger.
I wonder about people in this intimate encounters section. How many people are actually on it just looking for some action and how many are there our of curiosity and how many are trying to catch someone doing something they aren't supposed to....they need to take a survey to satisfy my need for answers. It is all about me folks.
I changed my lavalife blurb to REALLY reflect who I am. I am sure i will never get a message from anyone again. They will take one look at that and be all..OMG! NO WAY! My friend MB swears that I sound delightful but it will take a special guy to read that and find me appealing. Someone who is really looking for something that is a little different from the typical girly-girls out there. I feel those are few and far between.
I feel like I am in this weird middle-ground..happy to be single but missing the comfort of a relationship. Does that make sense? I'm not unhappily alone. I'm ok not being involved. But there are days where i miss the feeling of just having someone. A warm body to cuddle with...someone to have around on quiet nights...the comfortable stuff I miss. Then again, I look back and don't remember when I had that last. I had it in my last relationship but I wasn't in a place to appreciate it and then before that..it's been years. Years and years and years.
Ok, I'm doing the sweep right now. All the friends who make me feel crappy or who aren't good friends or who I don't speak to...gone. Deleted from the list! I just got the usual "I'm in a mood therefore I'm shutting you out" from MC. And i get SO angry when I see that. Angry at him but mostly angry at myself because i keep falling for his stupidity and opening myself up to talking to him. ARGH! I'm so unbelievable naive and gullible sometimes. It KILLS me. I know I've said it a million times. But this time it sticks. I'm making it public so I have to stick to it. NO MORE!
How does everyone else deal with it? I need some advice. Tell me. WHat is the best way to delete someone from your life. Despite any feelings you have for them?
Ok. I'm off to work work work and work.
posted by TF @ 7:36 AM
0 comments
I just wanted you all to know. My friend Frank. He's HOT.
And i kicked his ass at DOA3.
Woohoo!
posted by TF @ 3:35 PM
0 comments
I'm noticing a trend. It is a relationship thing and I'm sure there are those that will disagree so please feel free to send me some different perspectives.
Why is it that the lines of communictions between men and women are so different? This is what I'm noticing - men, who know how women react to men pursuing them physically, get what they want and then disappear. Then women, because of some sick weird habit we have devloped over the decades, blame ourselves for that and try to figure out what we have done wrong. Truth is, we haven't done anything wrong other then fall for the lines that men use because they know that we will react to it. Does that make sense?
Now who is to blame here?
Is it men for using the lines? Is it women for falling for them? Is it both for constantly getting caught up in this stupid game.?
I'm so tired of seeing my girlfriends feeling so sad and bad about themselves for doing nothing wrong other then being open to having feelings for men. Why do we do that to ourselves?
Why is it that we immediately turn and put the blame where is doesn't belong?
On the flipside, why is it that men just can't be honest, open, and up-front about things?
Wouldn't this be an easier place to be if people could just make the tiny effort it takes no to hurt other people?
Then again, without those little aces and pains the sitcom/movie/book industry could go bust.
Sometimes i wonder what the point is of getting involved.
Ican say, at teh very lease, I have to learn to trust my instincts. The guy from lava, the red flags went up that very first night when he didn't come over when he said he would and didnt' call. Right of the bat it showed an undependable side that only continued. I saw the warning signs and I chose to ignore them. I don't know why. I think that is something that women do all to often. We ignore the warning signs or the warnings of others.
We just aren't always smart enough to protect ourselves.
I wish I understood the motivations better. Or understood people better.
My resolution this year is to follow those instincts. Even if it kills me to do it. No one is going to protect me from my own issues. So, it is time i took responsibility.
It's sad though that it seems the only way to find a healthy relationship, at least for me and at this point in my life, is to shut myself off t people until they force their way in.
I don't even know if i can pull it off. That is just unlike me.
I constantly go between the two - stay who I am and just accept all the good and bad that come along with being open to people and taking those risks, or shut myself off and become somethign I never wanted to be to avoid getting hurt.
Realistically, i don't think I will be able to fundamentally change who I am. Fearless when it come sto getting involved. The price being getting hurt when it doesn't work out.
Can someone please just tell me the right anwer?
posted by TF @ 1:30 PM
1 comments
I know I know. It has been forever since I posted anything here. I've been in a weird space. A space that involved not talking very much so it is no offence to anyone who may be reading this. Lots of ups and downs and decision and broken resolutions and kept resolutions and trips to Vegas (ok, only one of those).
It has been a weird year already. And it is only two weeks in. It is funny how excited we get about January 1 but really nothing ever changes. It is just a new year. Ultimately, it is a fresh start but we don't need for a new calendar to do it although I guess that gives you motivation to do it.
So I've decided to get rid of the bad men in my life, excercise more, find the things that make me happy, and stop being sad. People all think I'm sad. I'm not. I'm just not good at hiding it when I am. I think people don't know how to react to such clear shows of emotion. And the things that do make me sad, I'm going to find them and fix them - be it something inside me or something on the outside.
That is all I got.
It's Friday. YAY! I can't wait to just sleep.
Tonight, I'm goin' out with Amy. Fun!
Leave me comments. It's lonely in Toronto.
posted by TF @ 11:33 AM
0 comments
Just a little bit of info for those who care about my life that was in Toronto and is now in San Francisco :)
PR pro/game geek/Mommy in lovely Los Angeles
